List of Characters
Quasi Fresco - A perpetually relaxed man of society that
speaks with a mild Chicano/Brooklyn accent.
Julio Lincoln - Quasi's younger, more frustrated assistant.
King Shmott - A short, bald, Polynesian man over 250 pounds.
He wears a matching set of glitter gold shorts and vest.
Dane - A very tall, very skinny blonde man in his late
Pap - Servant to the king. Or is he?
Aryan Fro - A tall bald man with a healthy physique. He
speaks with a deep Austrian accent.
Roasche - Aryan's right hand man.
Rotunda Sinclaire - A gorgeous brunette, and waitress at the
A sunny afternoon on an island beach. The back and sides of
the stage are covered with standing shoots of bamboo grass.
QUASI and JULIO are both laying face down on center front
stage. Julio awakens, sits up, and stretches.
Quasi, wake up.
Quasi moves a little and groans. Julio stands up and walks
around. Noticing that Quasi didn't wake up, he decides to
Hey Quasi, did you hear me? Get
What right do you have kicking me?
My head hurts something fierce.
And look, there's more than just
sand in my hair.
That's because you slept on a beach
Why is that?
I knew you wouldn't remember
anything from last night.
Of course I do. We were at a party
on Nigel's yacht. And there was
some kind of naked contest.
You don't even remember the
The last thing I remember, I was
sitting on a toilet and the seat
I think the engine blew up.
Everyone was screaming and running
into each other. I jumped out of a
window and started swimming. Then
you called my name.
I don't remember any of this.
As soon as I found you, you passed
You can't blame me for that. You
know how tired I get at parties.
I couldn't wake you up. I had to
carry you all the way here.
Quasi brushes the last of the sand from his clothes.
And for that, my friend, I thank
That's all I ask. Now, where do
you think we are?
Quasi and Julio both look upward.
Gauging by the sun, I'd say we're
somewhere near the Sandwich
Enter DANE as he pushes his way through the grass from stage
Close guess. This is the island of
Quasi and Julio are startled and turn around to face the
Yes, how could you tell?
He knows how to spot them.
What an extraordinary talent.
Never mind that, Dane. Let's just
concentrate on why you're here.
I live here. Perhaps you would
like to walk with me back to my
Not so fast. First, tell me why a
Dane is living on Chicki Chicki?
Pardon me sir, but Danish people
can and do live all over the world.
If that is a problem for you, I
will say goodbye and be on my way.
No. Don't go. Take us to your
But Julio, it could be dangerous.
I don't care. I'm tired and hungry
and I want to go to the village.
Besides, we can't stay out here
You're right. Okay Dane, let's go.
But know that I'm always watching
Look, I don't know where this
hostility is coming from, but rest
assured it is misplaced. I present
no threat, and as for my Danish
That's enough Dane. Now lead the
The Dane shrugs as all three walk off stage right. Lights
Lights up. A wooden rectangular dining table is taking up
stage left. The table is covered with plates of half-eaten
turkeys and cooked pig heads with apples in their mouths.
KING SHMOTT is sitting at the left side of the table as he
busily eats the food in front of him. PAP stands as an
attendant behind him with a tray of food. Three chairs are
at each side of the table. The Dane, Quasi and Julio, work
their way out of the tall grass from stage left. The king is
too engrossed with his eating to notice their presence.
We have arrived. Now, if you will
both stay here, I will approach
Why? What's going on? And be
straight with me Dane, no gas.
I have to inform the king of your
situation, and then he'll decide
whether or not you can stay.
What the hell kind of village are
you taking us to, Pakistan?
It's just protocol.
Go ahead, we'll wait here.
The Dane starts to walk towards the king, but Quasi grabs his
Wait a minute. Julio can wait
here, but I'm going with you to
talk to that fat King guy.
It would be better for you if I
Not a chance Dane, we're going
Very well, follow me.
Quasi and the Dane both walk towards the table. Julio
hesitates, then jogs to join them. The king still hasn't
noticed the others.
King Shmott? It's me, Pele.
(with his eyes still down)
Yes. I'm sorry to interrupt your
meal, but I have important news to
Be brief, then be gone.
Yes, of course. Earlier this
afternoon, as I was walking the
northern beach, I happened upon two
gentlemen. They claim their ship
sank last night.
The king goes on eating, as they wait for a reply.
I don't think he heard you. Hey
king, take a breather from that
Quasi kicks the table causing King Shmott to lift his head.
What's that? Pele, why are you
still here? And who's that with
My name is Quasi, and this is
They're the ones I found on the
What were you doing on the beach?
Pap unfolds a handkerchief from the tray and starts to wipe
the king's face.
We already told you. Our ship sank.
We swam here. Now, can I get a
Eager to bathe, eh? There will be
plenty of time for that later, so
why don't you have a seat.
Quasi sits on the closest chair to the king's left. Julio
sits to Quasi's left and puts his head on the table.
I have a stew to stir, so if you'll
Sure, Pele. Why don't you bring
some by when its finished.
The Dane nods and exits stage right.
Pele is a good man. Makes a fine
stew. But what I want to know is
what happened to your boat?
It was my friend Nigel's yacht. I
guess it exploded, or at least
that's what Julio said.
What's wrong with your friend
(He points to Julio)
Fatigue. It was a long night.
I imagine. Do you know what caused
Why are you asking so many
One can never be too careful,
especially in a time of war.
The Dane never said anything about
Who Pele? Well, he better not say
anything. Our island is crawling
with spies. It's to the point
where you can't trust anybody you
Who are these spies?
They work for Aryan Fro. He's a
big business tycoon from Dresden.
Moved to Chicki City about a year
ago. Ever since then he's been
trying to steal my village.
Aryan Fro? Where have I heard that
(Without lifting his head)
Nigel spoke of him.
That's right. Do you remember what
Fro has many enemies. Perhaps your
friend Nigel was also at war with
him. That would explain the
If it was an attack, you can bet
Nigel is planning a retaliation.
No he isn't.
Why would you say that?
Because he's dead. The piano
crushed his head. I saw it. It
Look at me when you give me such
Julio lifts his head. Quasi stands up.
I will arrange for your needs.
Pap, prepare the rooms.
Pap exits stage left.
I want to speak with this Aryan
I don't know, Quasi. He's a very
So what? How can I see him?
Pap has to go to the city tomorrow,
you can get a ride with him. He'll
take you to Fro.
Good. What time?
Pap enters from stage left.
You will leave first thing in the
The earlier the better. Come on
Julio, let's get some sleep.
Quasi helps Julio get up. They both follow Pap off stage
left. Lights fade on the king as he resumes his meal.
Lights come up half way. Canvas walls depicting the inside
of a nineteenth century western saloon fall in front of the
tropical grass and surround the back and side stages. In
center back stage hang two swinging saloon doors. A bar is
set up on backstage right. Tables are everywhere. About ten
or so, rough looking gangsters and cowboys sit sporadically
throughout the saloon. A patio fills front and center stage
right. It's about three steps above the stage. On top of
the patio is a single table. At the table sits ARYAN FRO, to
his left is ROTUNDA SINCLAIRE, and to his right is ROASCHE.
Stage right is not too be lit. The three people look dark
and undefinable. Ragtime piano music is softly playing.
From off stage we hear...
Thanks for the ride, Pap.
And don't forget, 6:30.
Quasi and Julio enter through the swing doors. They sit down
at a table, stage left.
What do you think of Pap?
I don't know. He doesn't speak
Did you notice how he smiled when
we passed those army camps?
Yeah, I saw that. It was the only
time he moved his face.
Rotunda gets up from the patio table and walks to stage left.
Are we really going back to the
village with him tonight?
Only if something better doesn't
Rotunda approaches Quasi and Julio.
Do you wish to drink something?
What do you recommend?
Most people here have a Chicki
Sounds risky, but I'll try it.
Make it two.
Rotunda nods and walks to the bar.
(Matter of fact)
She is a beauty. Such a woman
deserves more than this place.
I think she wants me. Did you see
I didn't notice anything.
She did it a couple of times.
So, what do you plan to do about
What do you think? She's gorgeous.
Just remember why we're here. We
still have to find Aryan Fro.
Rotunda walks from the bar carrying two cream colored drinks
on a tray.
Two Chicki Crushes, anything else?
Can you join us for a moment?
I'm kind of busy right now.
I think you can help us with
I'm not the kind of girl you're
Charming, but rest assured that all
I want is from you is information.
You see I'm new to the area.
(Trying to get involved)
We both are.
They both ignore him, as Quasi looks at her and taps the
It will only take a moment.
Rotunda takes a quick glance toward stage right, hesitates,
and then sits down.
Okay, what is it you need to know?
Have you heard of a man named Aryan
Fro. We were told he occasionally
visits this place.
Why do you ask questions about Mr.
Fro? Who are you?
The lights dim except for stage right, which illuminates.
Who are they? Have you seen them
No. They must be tourists.
Why is she still talking to them?
They're probably just asking for
Perhaps, but I want you to follow
them anyway. Find out how long
they plan to stay on the island.
Yes sir. I'll get my best men.
No. You will investigate it
personally. We can't afford any
mistakes. It is imperative that
the world not discover our plans
yet. Operation Fourth Reich must
Have you set a launching date for
It's coming soon, my friend. Very
Stage right fades to darkness. Stage left is re-illuminated
to half lighting.
I really must go now. I have work.
Maybe we can see each other later.
I don't know...
She looks to Quasi.
It's okay, Rotunda. I just wish
you were able to tell me more about
Believe me, I have said too much
Perhaps if we were alone, you
wouldn't feel so nervous.
She starts to weep and Quasi tries to comfort her.
Its Aryan isn't it? What has he
done to you?
Don't ask these questions.
I want to help you Rotunda. When
can we talk?
Not now. I must go.
Still sobbing, Rotunda stands up and exits stage left. The
lights dim and stage right is once again re-illuminated.
She's leaving. I think those men
made her cry.
Should I talk to them now sir?
Yes Roasche, but be candid. I
don't want any trouble.
Roasche gets up from the table and walks toward stage left.
Stage right fades to darkness as center and stage left come
back to half illumination.
You're not listening to me Julio. I
did not try to make a move on her.
Yes you did. Whenever I'm
attracted to a woman, your ego
swells and ruins it for me. Only
this time you made her cry.
She's hiding something Julio. I
Julio shakes his head is disgust as Roasche approaches their
Pardon me gentlemen, my name is
Roasche. I'm manager of this here
What do you want from us, Roasche?
Nothing really. Just wanted to say
hello and see what you thought of
They're fine, tangy, yet not
It's a native recipe, all natural.
You must be proud.
Is there something else you want to
Actually there is. One of my
waitresses came to me crying. She
said you were harassing her with
For that I apologize. I usually
don't have that affect on women.
I'm sure you don't Mr.?
Well Mr. Fresco, naturally when one
of my employees is upset, I like to
take an interest and help out in
anyway I can.
I'm sure you're doing a fine job.
Rotunda enters from stage left and is surprised to see
Roasche. She places a piece of paper face down on the table.
Your bill, sir.
First time is on the house.
Roasche reaches for the bill. Quasi beats him to it.
I prefer to pay.
Quasi stuffs the paper into his shirt pocket.
Suit yourself. Now, if you'll
excuse me gentlemen, I must attend
to other matters. Rotunda, will
you join me?
Rotunda starts to walk toward stage right.
Enjoy the rest of your stay here in
Roasche joins Rotunda and they both fade into the darkness of
stage right. Quasi takes the paper out of his pocket and
Just as I expected.
What does it say?
She wants me to meet her by the
cliffs in an hour.
That's what she wrote.
I knew this would happen. Now she
doesn't even want me.
Julio, It's obvious that she never
wanted you, so don't shower me in
Well, what am I suppose to do while
You should probably stay here and
wait for Pap. I'll meet up with
you back at the village.
Quasi starts to finish his drink. Lights dim to quarter
brightness. Stage right lights up.
Where are they from?
They didn't say.
What made you so upset?
I don't know. I guess I started
thinking about Nigel again.
Quasi finishes his drink, stands up and puts on his jacket.
Why are you still thinking about
that swine? He left you and he's
not coming back. I guarantee you
You need to forget about him. Tell
me, what else did you discuss with
Mr. Fresco and his friend?
Quasi digs through his pockets, pulls out some cash and lays
it on the table.
Small talk. Don't worry, I didn't
tell them anything.
I know you didn't sweetheart. You
would never betray me. Not after
all I've given you.
He tries to kiss her. She pulls away.
ARYAN FRO (CONT'D)
Maybe you better get back to work
Rotunda exits stage right. Quasi exits through the shutter
ARYAN FRO (CONT'D)
Someday, she'll learn to better
Sir, Mr. Fresco is leaving.
You better go. Now, before you
What about his friend?
Leave him to me.
Lights fade to black. Ragtime music fades as well.
The canvas walls are lifted and tropical grass once again
surrounds the back and side stages. An offstage fog machine
covers the stage in a thick layer of fog. A bench is located
on center stage, Rotunda stands behind it. From offstage,
Over here Quasi.
Quasi enters from stage right.
Oh, there you are.
Hurry, you mustn't let anyone see
Honey, no one is going to see me in
I was worried. Why are you so
You told me to meet you at the
cliffs. The whole island is
surrounded by cliffs. Next time
try to be more specific.
Where is Julio?
He's still at the saloon.
Good. I'm glad you came alone.
They sit down on the bench.
He thinks I'm here to make a move
Is he wrong?
I agreed to meet you because I want
information on Fro.
Well, I don't know how much more I
can tell you.
Start at the beginning. How do you
know Aryan Fro?
I've worked for him ever since he
moved to Chicki Chicki.
You mean he owns the saloon?
Yes. He owns many businesses in
Do you know how much he's worth?
Why are you so interested in him?
Two nights ago, Julio and I were on
It exploded and we swam here.
(He drops his head)
Julio said everyone died.
I'm sorry, but what does this have
to do with Aryan?
When we awoke yesterday, a village
king told us about Aryan Fro. He
told us that Aryan had many
enemies. Then, Julio remembered
Nigel spoke of Fro. We decided to
check it out.
Yeah. It was his yacht. I didn't
know him very well. In fact, I
can't even remember his last name.
I was engaged to a man named Nigel.
He left me for a woman is San
(He grabs her hands)
I'm sorry. Did Aryan know your
They were business partners, but
when Aryan bought Pocker
Pocker, Nigel Pocker. That was his
name. I remember now.
Oh, my god! You knew Nigel? Is he
Julio saw a piano crush his head.
Rotunda begins to sob. Quasi embraces her. Stage right,
behind the grass, the audience can see Roasche spying on
Quasi and Rotunda.
Now I really am alone with that
Do you think Aryan was responsible?
I don't know. He can become
insanely jealous at times, but I
feel nothing for him.
Then help me prove what happened to
Quasi lifts Rotunda's head and they gaze into each other's
I can't. Quasi, you don't
understand. This is a lot bigger
than just Nigel. I think Aryan is
planning a massive military
We passed some army bases on the
way to town this morning.
You can't go anywhere on the island
without finding new army bases.
What do you think he has planned?
I don't know. He doesn't tell me
We need to get some answers, if not
for the world, then for Nigel.
Oh Quasi, be careful. I don't want
to lose you.
Don't worry Rotunda. You won't.
They kiss and embrace.
(To the audience)
Fro's not going to want to hear
He exits. Lights fade to black.
The saloon again. Julio sits alone, waiting for Pap. Aryan
Fro comes down from the patio and approaches Julio.
Mind if I join you?
I don't care.
My name is Aryan Fro.
Aryan sits down next to Julio.
You're the one we've been looking
Quasi and me.
Quasi is the gentleman that was
here with you earlier?
Yeah. We wanted to ask you some
Aryan pulls out an old pocket watch and checks the time.
But Quasi left an hour ago. Do you
know where he went?
What's it to you?
Chicki City can be a dangerous
place. The streets are full of
He starts to swing the watch.
Quasi can take care of himself.
Of course he can. I'm sorry if my
curiosity has upset you.
Aryan Fro continues to swing the watch with one hand and sip
his drink with the other.
Would I be more of an irritant if I
asked you your name?
Julio, Julio Lincoln.
Well, Mr. Lincoln, what brings you
to Chicki Chicki?
Julio begins to stare at the swinging watch. The lights
begin to dim.
That's what we wanted to ask you.
We were shipwrecked two nights ago.
The yacht belonged to our friend
Nigel. You don't know anything
about that, do you?
The oceans around Chicki Chicki are
very unpredictable. Many luxury
vessels are not prepared for such
waters. We have twenty or thirty
shipwrecks every year.
Two nights ago, the waters were
Perhaps it was the engine. Who
knows? What's important is that
you and you friend survived. Do
you know if anyone else was so
I don't know. Many people died.
The lights begin to fade to complete darkness. Gradually
taking its place are four moving red and blue spotlights.
Sounds of slowed down whale calls fill the theater.
What about your friend Nigel?
Are you sure?
Aryan gives a sinister smile to the audience.
Yes I'm sure. I saw it happen.
Roasche enters through the shutter doors.
Sir, we have to talk.
Not now, Roasche.
But sir, it's important.
The red and blue lights turn off and the regular lighting
comes back half way. The whale sounds come to a sudden stop
Oh, all right. Julio?
Yes. I am Julio.
I must leave for a few moments. Do
not move until I get back.
I won't move.
As Julio stares blankly, Aryan and Roasche walk to the patio.
The lights above Julio dim while the lights over stage right
gradually turn brighter.
What is it, Roasche?
I followed Mr. Fresco. He went to
the southeast cliffs.
There is nothing unusual about
Sir, Rotunda was waiting for him.
Aryan and Roasche both cast a glance at Julio.
What were they doing?
When I got there, she was crying
and he was comforting her. I left
when they started to kiss.
They were kissing? Damn it! Is
there anything else?
Frustrated, Aryan pounds the table with his fists.
I guess Mr. Fresco and his friend
were on Nigel's yacht when the bomb
I already know that.
So does Rotunda. She knows that
Nigel is dead, and she suspects
This is not good.
You want me to off Mr. Fresco?
No. That would only confirm
Rotunda's suspicions. I'm working
on a better idea.
What do you need me to do?
Just follow them and report back to
Aryan and Roasche walk to center stage.
Lock that door and put the closed
sign up. I don't want to be
Roasche exits through the shutter doors. Aryan sits back
down beside Julio.
The lights dim and the four moving blue and red spotlights
gradually fill the stage again. The whale sounds come back
Do you still hear me, Julio?
I still hear you.
Good. Now listen carefully to my
voice. You are completely asleep,
and will do anything I say without
question. Do you understand that?
Yes, I understand.
In the third person please.
Good, now listen…
There is a knock at the door.
Ignore that. Listen only to my
voice. I want you to close your
Someone knocks again, only harder.
Damn! It's probably important.
I'll be right back.
Julio nods. Aryan gets up and opens the door. Pap enters.
Once again, the red and blue spotlights dim, and are replaced
by regular stage lighting. The whale sounds cease as well.
Pap! What's wrong? Trouble at the
No. Everything is fine. I just
came to drive him and his friend
back to the village. They're
guests of the king.
Really? That presents some new and
interesting options. Please, come
inside and have a seat.
They both walk over to the Julio's table and sit down.
Julio, I'm going to talk with Pap
now. You will not remember
anything we say.
Julio won't remember anything.
Julio nods and closes his eyes.
I see you haven't lost your touch.
I try to keep in practice, but
that's not important. What I need
to know is whether or not you have
I do, and it's just as you
suspected. The land the village
occupies is rich with pure
Excellent. That plutonium is vital
to Operation Fourth Reich.
Getting it from Shmott will be very
difficult. He has sworn to oppose
you whenever he can.
King Shmott is nothing. We will
crush him like a fat bubble.
You're not suggesting an attack on
Of course not. Any kind of
offensive would attract global
That leaves only one other option.
Exactly. He must be eliminated,
Tonight is bad for me. I have a
Then cancel it. We've wasted
enough time on Shmott.
Why don't you use him?
I have other plans for Julio.
You're the only other person I can
trust to do this correctly.
Of course, if you don't wish to
cooperate, then I have no choice
That's okay. I'll do it tonight.
Pap gets up from the table and starts to walk towards the
Your professionalism will be
I should probably get back to the
village. If I'm late, the king
will ask questions.
Before you go, I need a few minutes
to program Julio's mind with
several devastating post-hypnotic
No problem, I'll just fix myself a
Pap walks to the bar. Aryan turns around and faces Julio.
The lights fade to darkness.
END OF ACT ONE