SIMS 2 Castaway

May 2007

In May 2007, I was commissioned to write 350 in-game object descriptions. Each had a 20-word limit, and included everything from fake fish facts to silly survival tips. The following 10% sample showcases the gist of this work, completed in less than four weeks.




  • Redfish - Redfish are actually striped with two identical shades of red.

  • Monkfish - Every monkfish takes a lifelong vow of silence, which is why you'll never hear one speak.

  • Flying Spotfin - Once airborne, this flying fish uses its spotfin to control lift and drag.

  • African Pompano - Its name might be Pompano, but its eyes say Pompayes.

  • Starry Rockfish - Schools of Starry Rockfish are known to swim in constellation formations.

  • Speckled Grouper - After eons of evolution, this grouper has grown from freckled to speckled.

  • Vermillion Rockfish - Each of these unique fish is one in Vermillion.

  • Tarpon - Every time the tide recedes, a tarpon earns its fins.

  • Parrot Fish - Despite their name, parrot fish do not make suitable shoulder companions.

  • Bat Ray - Da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da... Bat Ray!





  • Taro - Fringe enthusiasts of this root are often called "Taro-ists."

  • Mangosteen - Nothing is more refreshing than a cold glass of mangosteenade.

  • Cantaloupe - According to Melon Monthly Magazine, cantaloupes are "good eating."

  • Yam - For sweet potatoes, look elsewhere. These tubers be yams.

  • Cocoa - Mighty cocoa bean. Bringer of sweet chocolate bliss. This haiku's for you.

  • Breadfruit - The rind of a breadfruit is also called the crust.

  • Cucumber - Even if served hot, there's still just something cool about a cucumber.

  • Rumberry - "Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rumberry cider" was later shortened to make pirates seem tougher.





  • Metal Ore - When it comes to processing ore, whoever smelt it dealt it.

  • Sisal - Sisalogists have long debated the aesthetic implications of this durable fabric.

  • Iris - Put a twig of this plant in your pocket, and the luck of the iris will be with you all day.

  • Red Orchid - When red orchids bloom, even roses stop to smell them.

  • Chicken Coop - Coops are like low-income housing for chickens, only roomier and with quieter neighbors.





  • Toilet Paper - Reacquaint yourself with the comforts of softness, and you'll never go bark again.

  • Scallop Shell - According to a recent Scallop poll, 87% of those questioned say they prefer their shells be used for festive decorations, and only posthumously.

  • Stone Hoe - Now you too can cultivate the earth just like our ancestors did a thousand years ago - with a stone hoe and percolating resentment.

  • Obsidian-Tipped Spear - In the right hands, an obsidian-tipped spear can be a comical instrument of self-inflicted injury.





  • Survival Roof - Raising the roof isn't just for gettin' down - it's also an important step in turning your hovel into a homey hut.

  • Makeshift Wall - Walls are an architectural requisite for any reasonable shack. Without them, there is very little to separate the floor from the roof.

  • Shutters - Shut out all that tropical beauty around you with these dull and adequate window shutters.





  • Durable Rug - In the old days, rugs were made from human hair - not out of necessity, but because it was the creepy style at the time.

  • Floor Lamp - The soft luminescence from this lamp provides the perfect backdrop for countless hours of shadow puppet theater.

  • Table 1x1 - If you want to "turn the tables" on your recent misfortunes, you'll have to do more than rotate this simple furnishing.

  • Durable Sofa - Strange how a handmade couch on a deserted island can still end up with spare change between the cushions.

  • Outhouse - Finally, a private place to take care of business. Now you just need to print up some reading material to help pass the time.



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