SIMS 2 Castaway

In May 2007, I was commissioned to write 350 in-game object descriptions. Each had a 20-word limit, and included everything from fake fish facts to silly survival tips. The following 10% sample showcases the gist of this work, completed in less than four weeks.

FISH

Redfish – Redfish are actually striped with two identical shades of red.
Monkfish – Every monkfish takes a lifelong vow of silence, which is why you'll never hear one speak.
Flying Spotfin – Once airborne, this flying fish uses its spotfin to control lift and drag.
African Pompano – Its name might be Pompano, but its eyes say Pompayes.
Starry Rockfish – Schools of Starry Rockfish are known to swim in constellation formations.
Speckled Grouper – After eons of evolution, this grouper has grown from freckled to speckled.
Vermillion Rockfish – Each of these unique fish is one in Vermillion.
Tarpon – Every time the tide recedes, a tarpon earns its fins.
Parrot Fish – Despite their name, parrot fish do not make suitable shoulder companions.
Bat Ray – Da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da… Bat Ray!

FOOD

Taro – Fringe enthusiasts of this root are often called “Taro-ists.”
Mangosteen – Nothing is more refreshing than a cold glass of mangosteenade.
Cantaloupe – According to Melon Monthly Magazine, cantaloupes are “good eating.”
Yam – For sweet potatoes, look elsewhere. These tubers be yams.
Cocoa – Mighty cocoa bean. Bringer of sweet chocolate bliss. This haiku's for you.
Breadfruit – The rind of a breadfruit is also called the crust.
Cucumber – Even if served hot, there’s still just something cool about a cucumber.
Rumberry – "Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rumberry cider" was later shortened to make pirates seem tougher.

RESOURCES

Metal Ore – When it comes to processing ore, whoever smelt it dealt it.
Sisal – Sisalogists have long debated the aesthetic implications of this durable fabric.
Iris – Put a twig of this plant in your pocket, and the luck of the iris will be with you all day.
Red Orchid – When red orchids bloom, even roses stop to smell them.
Chicken Coop – Coops are like low-income housing for chickens, only roomier and with quieter neighbors.

TOOLS

Toilet Paper – Reacquaint yourself with the comforts of softness, and you’ll never go bark again.
Scallop Shell – According to a recent Scallop poll, 87% of those questioned say they prefer their shells be used for festive décorations, and only posthumously.
Stone Hoe – Now you too can cultivate the earth just like our ancestors did a thousand years ago - with a stone hoe and percolating resentment.
Obsidian-Tipped Spear – In the right hands, an obsidian-tipped spear can be a comical instrument of self-inflicted injury.

CONSTRUCTION

Survival Roof – Raising the roof isn't just for gettin' down - it's also an important step in turning your hovel into a homey hut.
Makeshift Wall –Walls are an architectural requisite for any reasonable shack. Without them, there is very little to separate the floor from the roof.
Shutters – Shut out all that tropical beauty around you with these dull and adequate window shutters.

HOME OBJECTS

Durable Rug – In the old days, rugs were made from human hair - not out of necessity, but because it was the creepy style at the time.
Floor Lamp – The soft luminescence from this lamp provides the perfect backdrop for countless hours of shadow puppet theater.
Table 1x1 – If you want to "turn the tables" on your recent misfortunes, you'll have to do more than rotate this simple furnishing.
Durable Sofa – Strange how a handmade couch on a deserted island can still end up with spare change between the cushions.
Outhouse – Finally, a private place to take care of business. Now you just need to print up some reading material to help pass the time.