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In May 2007, I was commissioned to write 350 in-game object descriptions. Each had a 20-word limit, and included everything from fake fish facts to silly survival tips. The following 10% sample showcases the gist of this work, completed in less than four weeks.
FISH
- Redfish
- Redfish are actually striped with two identical shades of red.
- Monkfish
- Every monkfish takes a lifelong vow of silence, which is why you'll
never hear one speak.
- Flying
Spotfin - Once airborne, this flying fish uses its spotfin to control lift
and drag.
- African
Pompano - Its name might be Pompano, but its eyes say Pompayes.
- Starry
Rockfish - Schools of Starry Rockfish are known to swim in constellation
formations.
- Speckled
Grouper - After eons of evolution, this grouper has grown from freckled to
speckled.
- Vermillion
Rockfish - Each of these unique fish is one in Vermillion.
- Tarpon
- Every time the tide recedes, a tarpon earns its fins.
- Parrot
Fish - Despite their name, parrot fish do not make suitable shoulder
companions.
- Bat
Ray - Da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da da-da... Bat Ray!
FOOD
- Taro
- Fringe enthusiasts of this root are often called "Taro-ists."
- Mangosteen
- Nothing is more refreshing than a cold glass of mangosteenade.
- Cantaloupe
- According to Melon Monthly Magazine, cantaloupes are "good
eating."
- Yam
- For sweet potatoes, look elsewhere. These tubers be yams.
- Cocoa
- Mighty cocoa bean. Bringer of sweet chocolate bliss. This haiku's for
you.
- Breadfruit
- The rind of a breadfruit is also called the crust.
- Cucumber
- Even if served hot, there's still just something cool about a cucumber.
- Rumberry
- "Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rumberry cider" was later
shortened to make pirates seem tougher.
RESOURCES
- Metal
Ore - When it comes to processing ore, whoever smelt it dealt it.
- Sisal
- Sisalogists have long debated the aesthetic implications of this durable
fabric.
- Iris
- Put a twig of this plant in your pocket, and the luck of the iris will
be with you all day.
- Red
Orchid - When red orchids bloom, even roses stop to smell them.
- Chicken
Coop - Coops are like low-income housing for chickens, only roomier and
with quieter neighbors.
TOOLS
- Toilet
Paper - Reacquaint yourself with the comforts of softness, and you'll
never go bark again.
- Scallop
Shell - According to a recent Scallop poll, 87% of those questioned say
they prefer their shells be used for festive decorations, and only
posthumously.
- Stone
Hoe - Now you too can cultivate the earth just like our ancestors did a
thousand years ago - with a stone hoe and percolating resentment.
- Obsidian-Tipped
Spear - In the right hands, an obsidian-tipped spear can be a comical
instrument of self-inflicted injury.
CONSTRUCTION
- Survival
Roof - Raising the roof isn't just for gettin' down - it's also an
important step in turning your hovel into a homey hut.
- Makeshift
Wall - Walls are an architectural requisite for any reasonable shack.
Without them, there is very little to separate the floor from the roof.
- Shutters
- Shut out all that tropical beauty around you with these dull and adequate
window shutters.
HOME
OBJECTS
- Durable
Rug - In the old days, rugs were made from human hair - not out of
necessity, but because it was the creepy style at the time.
- Floor
Lamp - The soft luminescence from this lamp provides the perfect backdrop
for countless hours of shadow puppet theater.
- Table
1x1 - If you want to "turn the tables" on your recent
misfortunes, you'll have to do more than rotate this simple furnishing.
- Durable
Sofa - Strange how a handmade couch on a deserted island can still end up with
spare change between the cushions.
- Outhouse
- Finally, a private place to take care of business. Now you just need to
print up some reading material to help pass the time.
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