July 2006

I wrote most of the in-game text for both console and PSP versions. All work was completed in three weeks, and included:




SIMS 2 Pets:



Sims 2 Pets featured 10 career tracks, each with 10 separate jobs for the player to advance through. The following is a sample of these job descriptions, which were subjected to a 40-60 word limit:


Mannequin Wrangler

Dressing and posing life-size dolls has always been a nightmare of yours. It's called Pediophobia, and it's nothing to be ashamed of - in fact, you should be proud. Mannequins are indeed quite scary, and you're wise to have a healthy fear of them.


Medical Chief of Staff

When you first decided to enter the medical field, it was to heal people and give comfort to the sick. But thanks to your flair for bureaucracy and politicking, you've climbed the ranks to Chief of Staff and no longer have to deal with all that hands-on medical stuff. Congratulations!


Corporate Senior Manager

You have wrapped yourself inside an executive cocoon, only to now emerge as a beautiful senior manager, eager to spread its wings and fly. Or at least that's what that weird hippie woman told you at the last corporate retreat.


Police Cadet

If Police Academy movies are any indication, your time as a law enforcement cadet is going to be one barely hilarious romp after another. Pranks ripe with innuendo, and tender acts of hazing, are just a few of the delightful hijinks that await you.


Garbage Collector

Conventional wisdom suggests that one person's garbage is another person's treasure. If that were true, you'd be stinking rich, instead of just stinking. But it's a good stink, an honest stink - born from countless hours of backbreaking blue-collar labor. Long live the modern proletariat!



Roofers are the rock stars of the construction game. Maybe it's their confident swagger, or their wanton disregard for the dangers of traversing tall structures. Whatever it is, you got it now, so don't be surprised if you're greeted every morning by hordes of on-site roofer groupies.



Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. And those who can't teach, think of you as a colleague. Sure the pay might be low, and the work is mostly thankless, but that new pinball machine with the "free play" button in the teacher's lounge makes it all worthwhile.



SIMS 2 Pets:



I named and wrote brief bios for several AI characters that players randomly encounter throughout the game. The following is a sample of these biographies, which were subjected to a 30-40 word limit:


Huckleberry Wong

A professional corn popper by day, Huck's real dream to is to build the world's first trans-continental roller coaster. He has it all spec'd out and is currently looking for investors.


Claire Poodleschmit

Known and loved by local wrestling fans as The Velvet Cheek, Claire also works in the fast paced world of small business accounting, where she grapples with audit reports and pins budget loopholes to the mat.


Wanda McHoof

After a ruptured pyloric valve forced Wanda into early retirement from competitive eating, she founded the world's first training cafeteria. Now she coaches aspiring youngsters on how to feast their way to fame and glory.


Flip Calhoun

Flip made a fortune with his "Better Living through Condiments" series of TV specials, but then lost it all with a single toss of the dice. Some might call that crazy, but others know that's just how Flip rolls.


Kiki Calhoun

Like her husband Flip, Kiki Calhoun went from rags to riches, and then back to rags again. But that's okay with Kiki. She always preferred rags anyway, mostly for their absorbing qualities and rugged versatility.


Whistle Calhoun (cat)

Back in the day, Whistle ruled the neighborhood with an iron paw. He enjoyed the spoils of tyranny for years, until his secret Ivy League past was revealed and he lost all street cred. Now he's back, determined to show the world this kitty still has claws.



SIMS 2 Pets:



I named and wrote catalogue-style descriptions for over 100 in-game objects. The following is a small sample of these descriptions, which were subjected to a 40-60 word limit:


2Player Sofa

The 2Player Sofa is designed to host two gamers simultaneously, while providing an empty middle cushion, or "safety zone" to reduce accidental physical contact. In addition, the upholstery is specially treated to thwart stains brought on by snack residue and palm sweat.


Big Ernie's Couch for Men

As couches go, few are manlier than Big Ernie's Couch for Men. It exudes machismo through each double stitch and rough-hewn wooden plank. Given the high testosterone levels required to manhandle this couch, Big Ernie generously offers a no-questions-asked return policy.


The Sit-A-Spell

Introducing the Sit-A-Spell - the first piece of cowboy-proof furnishing to ever hit the market. What makes it cowboy proof? Barbeque stain-resistant upholstery for starters. It's also impervious to boot spurs and trail dust. A chair like that just might make even the orneriest cowboy want to Sit-A-Spell.


Eternal Loveseat

The best loveseats strike a delicate balance between the love and the seat. Too much of either, and the whole piece is useless (see: Lustseat, 1976). Thankfully, the Eternal Loveseat treads that line with style and grace, bringing just enough love to each of its two seats.


Slim's Picket Fences

Nothing says tradition like the iconic white picket fence. It immediately conjures up Rockwellian images of garden gnomes, lemonade stands, and for those over 80 years old, carefree games of hoop and stick.


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