Jason Heffel
Jason Davis


 1     INT. MEDICINE CABINET                                    1

       Scene begins with an open medicine cabinet.  Inside, the
       shelves are covered with filthy sundries, some of which are
       cracked or leaking.  Each major product has a credit written
       on it and after a moment, the mirrored door closes to reveal
       a regular guy plagued by terrible acne.   He sighs and turns
       his face slightly as the camera zooms in on a particularly
       nasty cluster of pimples gathered around the corner of his
       mouth.  The pimples grow larger and more detailed until we
       can clearly see four teenage zit girls; MABEL, CHARLENE,
       PATTY and ROSA.

 2     EXT: HAZY AREA NEAR THE MOUTH                            2

       Mabel is the fattest and stands in the back.  Charlene and
       Patty stand on either side of her.  They are all similar in
       appearance, except Patty, who wears glasses (glasses for zits
       involves two strands of hair, one wrapped around each eye to
       resemble eyeglasses).  Rosa is the most feminine, with big
       round eyes and a tasteful ponytail.

                 This face is so boring.  There
                 aren't any hot guys at Pimpleton

                 There's a couple of cute clusters,

                 What do you girls think of
                 Professor Poppel? 

                 Oh, that guy?  I hear he has a
                 shriveled, little sebum.

                 What guy doesn't? 

                 You know what they say, the smaller
                 the sebum...

                     (Mocking confirmation)
                 Yeah, the smaller the sebum.

       The girls kind of laugh, while Rosa turns red.

                 Look, we're making Rosa blush.

                 Leave her alone, Mabel. 
                     (Turns to Rosa)
                 Rosa, I think it's perfectly fine
                 you haven't been with a boy.

                 I just haven't found the right zit

                 Right zit, wrong zit... Deep down,
                 they're all the same in the dark.  

       The music swells as the camera slowly zooms in on Rosa

                 Not for me.  I want more than
                 that... I want poetry, chivalry,

       The camera pans away from the girls and reveals JACK ZITT,
       concealed behind the outer rim of a nostril.

2a     EXT: OUTER NOSTRIL RIM                                  2a

       Jack makes a variety of funny faces as he eavesdrops on the
       girl's conversation.

                           ROSA (CONT'D) (V.O.)
                 Someone playful and confident, who
                 isn't afraid to show his feelings
                 and speak from the core.  I'll know
                 from our first kiss if he is the
                 right zit.  It will be a special
                 kiss, filled with explosive

       Jack, noticeably excited, decides he's heard enough and
       approaches the girls.  When he gets close enough to them, he
       strikes a pose and clears his throat.  Rosa is the first to

2b     EXT: HAZY AREA NEAR MOUTH                               2b

                           ROSA (CONT'D)
                 Oh my!  Jack Zitt, is that you?

                 In the flesh.

                 Wow, you've really filled up.

                 And out.

       Mabel, Charlene and Patty all giggle, while Rosa looks

                 Thank you ladies, and might I say
                 you all look simply pimply today.

       The girls giggle flirt, while Jack turns to look directly at

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 Especially you, Rosa.  Can we
                 speak... alone?

       Rosa turns to look at the girls who nod encouragingly.

                 Uh, sure.


                           MABEL & PATTY
                 Bye Jack!

       Rosa heads towards Jack and they move off together, while the
       camera stays on the other three girls.

                 Jack is one pimple past perfect; 
                 he hardly noticed me.

                 Can you blame him?  Face facts
                 Patty, you're ugly.

                 Ugly like a pox.

       Patty is a little hurt by Mabel's honesty and doesn't notice
       Charlene's compliment and longing gaze.  However, Mabel takes
       notice and grunts disgustingly.

                 God damn Charlene, how much dyke
                 can fit into one zit?

                                               CUT TO:

2c     EXT: HAZY AREA NEAR MOUTH                               2c

       Jack and Rosa are moving slowly together.  There is a small,
       awkward tension between them.

                 I'm glad we bumped into each other,
                 Rosa.  I'd like to take you out

       Rosa blushes and flutters her eyelids.

                 You would?

                 Of course.  The back neck vista
                 promises to be breathtaking.  

                 Yeah, I hear the sweat vapors are

                 I'll pick you up this evening then?

                 That sounds lovely.

                 And who knows, those vapors are
                 notoriously arousing.

                 Jack Zitt, you better quit while
                 you're a head. 

       Off Jack's coy grin...

                                               CUT TO:

 3     INT. ZITT FAMILY AREA                                    3

       Jack is preparing for the big date.  He bends over and rubs
       his head against the skin ground in a vain attempt to lay a
       few, yet stubborn hairs down flat.  His little brother OWEN
       is heard giggling off-screen.

                           OWEN (V.O.)
                 Hey lady killer, what did you do
                 with my brother?

       Jack turns around and confronts Owen.

                 Shut up, zit for brains.

                 You're such a boil.  Why do you
                 have get so sore?

                 I don't have time for you.
                     (Whining yell)
                 Pop, Owen is irritating me!

                 No seriously, you look good...
                 Except for that stuff on your face.

       Owen leans in as if to point out something on Jack's face.  

                 What stuff?

       Jack leans in trustingly towards Owen, who bends forward and
       exposes the top of his head.  Owen quickly reaches up with
       both arms and squeezes the top of his head, until a big,
       sloppy dollop of pus shoots out and hits Jack in the head and

                           JACK (CONT'D)

                 That stuff.  

       Owen staggers slightly.

                           OWEN (CONT'D)
                 Whoa, that took a lot out of me.  I
                 feel a little white headed.

       Jack reaches for his head and feels the sticky pus.  He pulls
       his hands away and sees the strands of mucus connecting from
       his head.  With this, he fully realizes how gross his
       situation is and starts to gag.

                 Oh my gawd... (Gurgles)

       Just then, POP enters the scene.

                 Is there a problem here?

       Owen begins to glide away.

                 Other than Jack being covered in my
                 own curdled pus? No.  Now if you'll
                 excuse me, I have a meeting with a
                 very important freckle.

       Owen quickly exists the scene before Jack or Pop can respond.

                 That Owen, always the little

       Pop turns to Jack, who wipes away the last of the pus and
       composes himself.

                           POP (CONT'D)
                 You okay son?

                     (Hand in fist)
                 Yeah.  If I wasn't so late, I would
                 have smacked me some acne.

                 Now Jack, that's just Owen being

       Jack resumes struggling with his stubborn hair and sighs.

                           POP (CONT'D)
                 Another big date? 

                 Yeah Pop, and this one oozes in all
                 the right places.

       Jack winks at his Pop, who gleams back with creepy pride.

                 That's my boy.  Yeah, I've popped a
                 few pips in my day too.

       Pop flashes Jack a knowing wink, then suddenly assumes a
       fatherly tone and leans in to address Jack more seriously.

                           POP (CONT'D)
                 Just don't be rash and do anything
                 that might blemish our good family
                 name or I'll burst you upside the

       A sly smile spreads across Pop's face.  A phone rings from
       off screen.

                           MOM (V.O.)
                 It's for you dear.

                 Son of a Cyst!  That better not be
                 those damn white heads from the
                 Molmon Pimplenacle.

       Off Pop Zitt's frustrated expression...

                                               CUT TO:

 4     EXT. ROSA'S HOUSE                                        4

       A big zit house stands in the back as Jack enters the scene. 
       He's holding a small, multi-colored bouquet of hairs, which
       is intended as a gift for Rosa.  He looks a little nervous as
       he walks towards the house.  When he gets to the door, cut to
       his hand pressing a small zit doorbell.  The doorbell zit
       pops and soon after, the door opens, revealing ROSA'S FATHER. 
       He's big, intimidating and looks a little annoyed.

                 Hello sir, my name is Jack.  I'm
                 here for your daughter, Rosa.

                           ROSA'S FATHER
                 Hi Jack, Rosa will be with us
                 shortly.  Now here's the deal; if
                 she's not home by midnight...

       Jack interrupts with a Ferris Bueller like respectful

                 You'll squeeze off my head?

                           ROSA'S FATHER
                 That's right.  And then I'll feed
                 what's left to the blister pigs. 

       The camera quickly pans to the right, revealing a sty of
       hideous blister pigs.  Cut back to Jack, who gulps slightly
       just as Rosa enters the scene from behind the door.

                 Hi Jack, sorry I'm late.

                 That's okay.

       Rosa's Father grunts as Jack lifts the hair bouquet and
       offers it to Rosa

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 These are for you.

                 Oh, they're lovely.  Here daddy, be
                 a dear and put these in oil for me.

       Rosa hands her father the hairs and kisses him on the cheek.

                           ROSA (CONT'D)
                 Bye, see you tonight.

       Rosa's father grunts again and watches the couple move away
       from the house, hand in hand.

                                               CUT TO:

4a     EXT. VARIOUS SETTINGS                                   4a

       The date montage starts with Jack and Rosa coming across a
       nasty pockmark. 
       They stop and Jack pulls the skin from the edge of the pock
       over the chasm, creating a bridge of skin for Rosa to move
       across.  In the background is a theater marquee with the
       movie title, "The Pocky Pore Picture Show."

                                               CUT TO:

4b     EXT. MALT SHOP                                          4b

       Jack and Rosa are squatting opposite one another.  Other zit
       couples and loners are scattered around them, enjoying the
       confections. Jack and Rosa stare into each other's eyes,
       while sharing the same shake (two straws stuck into a skin

                                               CUT TO:

4c     EXT. OIL SLICK LAKE                                     4c

       Jack and Rosa are walking along an oil slick when Jack bends
       over and picks up a skin fleck.  He throws the fleck into the
       oil.  Cut to far away shot of the couple as the fleck skips
       across the slick and towards the camera.  The couple pauses
       and then resumes their walk.

                                               CUT TO:

4d     EXT. ZIT CARNIVAL                                       4d

       Jack and Rosa are at a carnival, Jack is playing a dart game. 
       He throws his dart at a board covered with zit balloons and
       pops one, thus winning a live pet face mite (on a leash) from
       a crusty old CARNEY.  The Carney is a half popped zit with
       only one eye and a thick scab on top of his head.  Jack is
       delighted with his accomplishment and proudly gives the
       cuddly critter to Rosa, who accepts the gift graciously.  Off
       her expression...

                                               CUT TO:

 5     EXT. BACK NECK VISTA                                     5

       Camera is behind Jack and Rosa, who are sitting together and
       staring out into the vista.  It slowly zooms in as the
       following dialogue is spoken.

                           JACK (V.O.)
                 I really had a great time tonight.

                           ROSA (V.O.)
                 Oh, me too.  Everything was swell.

       The camera is done zooming and cuts to a close-up of Rosa's
       face looking out into the view.  The cute little face mite is
       on her lap, cooing and purring as she absentmindedly pets it.

                           ROSA (CONT'D)
                 Wow Jack, you were right.  This
                 view is gorgeous.

       Jack turns and stares deep into Rosa's eyes.

                 Yes, it warms the very cream of my
                     (Pauses knowingly)
                 Fills me with an...explosive

       Jack looks up and away from Rosa as he recites the Emily
       Dickinson poem, "There's a Certain Slant of Light". 

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 Heavenly Hurt, it gives us - We can
                 find no scar.  But internal
                 difference, where the Meanings are.

       Rosa appears taken by Jack's charms and swoons obviously. 

                 Jack, that's beautiful.


       Jack turns back around to look deeply into Rosa's eyes again.

                 Yes Jack?

                 I've never felt this way before. 
                 You aren't like all the other zits.
                 You're beauty is more than skin

       Rosa is overwhelmed by Jack's sincerity.

                 Oh Jack!

       Jack makes his move and leans in to kiss Rosa.  Jack puckers
       his lips and closes his eyes. 
       They kiss for a brief moment before two huge thumbs come down
       from the sky and firmly put the squeeze on Rosa.  At first,
       Jack doesn't notice and continues to kiss her with his eyes
       closed.  She moans from the squeezing, which Jack mistakes as
       passion.  Suddenly, Rosa breaks away from the kiss long
       enough to scream for help.

                           ROSA (CONT'D)
                 Aaagh!  Jack, help me!

       Jack realizes what's going on and has a brief moment of pure
       panic.  He says nothing as the fingers prove too strong for
       Rosa and she violently pops, covering Jack in pubescent pus.

                     (Street Car)

       The camera slowly zooms away from Jack, showing Rosa's
       bloody, oozing stump and the cuddly face mite running in
       circles, yapping like a Mexican dog and dragging it's leash
       behind it.  Off this scene...

                           THE END
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