Jason Heffel
Jason Davis


 1     INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE                                     1

       Open to the inside of a clean and orderly doctor's medicine
       cabinet with the credits written on various shelved items. 
       The cabinet door closes and the mirror reveals RAUL, sitting
       topless on an examination table.  His face, shoulders, chest
       and neck are all covered with zits.  DOCTOR HONEYROSE, a
       middle-aged French Canadian dermatologist, enters looking at
       a chart.  He initially doesn't look at Raul. 

                           DOCTOR HONEYROSE
                     (Studying the chart)
                 Hmmm.  Uh huh. Ah.  

       Doctor Honeyrose looks up from the chart and notices Raul for
       the first time.  His face is undeniably shocked.

                           DOCTOR HONEYROSE (CONT'D)
                 Zit Alor!  What happened to you,


       Doctor Honeyrose composes himself and assumes his normal,
       professional demeanor. 

                           DOCTOR HONEYROSE
                 Nothing, nothing. So, what brings
                 you in today?

                 Have you not eyes, sir?  I'm
                 covered in beastly acne!

                           DOCTOR HONEYROSE
                 Bien sur. Now, let's have a look.

       Doctor Honeyrose leans in to examine Raul more closely.

                           DOCTOR HONEYROSE (CONT'D)
                 Hmmm.  It may be time for drastic
                 measures.  Let's freeze a few and
                 see if that helps, eh?

                 Will it hurt?

                           DOCTOR HONEYROSE
                 I should hope so.  Now, hold still.

       The doctor brandishes his sci-fi freeze gun and leans in with
       a magnifying glass to examine the zits closely.  The camera
       follows his P.O.V. It zooms in to reveal JACK and his little
       brother OWEN.

                                               CUT TO:

 2     INT. ZITT FAMILY AREA                                    2

       Owen is alone, looking at Jack's Play-Boil magazine.  He's
       staring at a seductive, busty pimple centerfold.

                     (To himself)
                 Those can't be real.

                           JACK (O.S.)
                 Owen, you little abscess.  Get out
                 of here!

       Jack enters as Owen quickly turns around and blatantly hides
       the magazine behind his back.

                 Jack! Sorry, I was just leaving.

                 Wait. What's behind your back?


                 That's funny.  Show me right now or
                 I'll tear you a new stoma.

                 Jack, you don't have the pustules
                 to back those words up.

       Jack foams with anger as he moves towards Owen.  There is a
       crazy look in his eyes, which prompts Owen to slowly back up.

                           OWEN (CONT'D)
                 Calm down man. Did Rosa give you
                 Mad Scab's Disease or something?

       Jack screams and lunges at Owen and they wrestle as only zits
       can.  During the scuffle, the Play-Boil magazine is ripped,
       causing Jack to bulge, pulse, twitch and shake with anger. 
       In one swift motion, he grabs Owen's body and begins to
       squeeze voraciously.

                 Let's get ready to rupture!

       Just then, POP and MOM burst into the room.

                 Wart the hell?  Jack, get off your
                 brother now!

       Pop moves in and breaks up the fight.  Jack quickly grabs the
       ripped magazine and throws it out of sight.  Meanwhile, Owen
       scoots to his mother's side, pretending to be scared.

                 He was going to pop me, Mom.

                 Oh baby, come here.

       Owen and Mom hug, while Pop moves in close to address Jack.

                 I'm disappointed in you Jack. You
                 know how dangerous it is to give
                 someone the hard squeeze.

                 I would never actually pop Owen.

                 We know honey, but it frightens us
                 when you break out so violently.

                 It wasn't my fault.  Owen was
                 poking through my stuff again.

                 And what exactly did I find, Jack?

       All three look to Jack and anticipate his answer.

                 That's not important.  God, you
                 guys always take his side.

                 We're not taking sides, Jack.

                 We're just concerned.

                 Concern yourself with Owen.  He's
                 turning into a complete carbuncle.

                 How can you say such a thing when I
                 love you so much, brother?

       Mom continues to coddle Owen, as Jack grows more irate.  He
       looks at his family with detached eyes.

                 This is bull-zit!  We go through
                 this all the time and nothing
                 changes.  I'm a stranger to you

       Jack's pitch continues to climb, as Pop and Mom both look a
       bit surprised by their son's sudden show of passion.

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 You don't even know who I am.

                 Now son, don't be like this.  You
                 know we love...

       Jack is hysterical now, shouting with genuine teenage angst.

                 No, it's true.  Neither of you know
                 Jack Zitt!

       Jack bursts into tears and storms off screen.  Pop starts to
       follow, but then stops before yelling.

                 Don't know you?  I remember when
                 you were just a clog in your
                 mother's pore!

       A door slams off screen as Jack leaves in a fit. Off the
       family's expressions...

                                               CUT TO:

 3     EXT. ZIT PUBLIC AREA                                     3

       A furious Jack is scooting absently along, his face more red
       than usual. The sky is hazy and in the background corner sits
       the mountainous half nostril called Mt. Nostro.

                 God, I hate my family.  I wish they
                 were dead.

       Soon after, Jack unknowingly bumps into the group of girls;

                 Hi Jack, what's got your head so

                 Huh? Oh, hi girls.  I'm just...

                     (To the girls)
                 He must still be upset about Rosa.

                 No Patty, it's just family stuff.

                 Gay family stuff?

                 Put a pock in it, Charlene.

       Mabel flashes Charlene a look of annoyance and then turns a
       more nurturing cheek to Jack.

                           MABEL (CONT'D)
                 Jack if you ever need to just
                 blotch, my place is always open.

                 I might take you up on that, Mabel.

                           WALLACE (V.O.)
                 You couldn't handle a big mama zit
                 like her.

       Jack turns around to find the notorious Blackhead gang;
       WALLACE, WASHINGTON, WAYNE and WABINSKI all descending upon
       him.  The girls gasp and giggle with a sort of aroused fear. 
       Wallace is plagued with the classic Napoleon complex to the
       extent that he obsessively shoves his right hand into a small
       flap on his chest.  Wayne and Wabinski look similar to one
       another and Washington towers over them all.

                 He's bound to be better than you
                 were, Wallace.

       Mabel bobs her head like,'you go girl' while everyone 'oohs'.

                 Damn Wallace, that's three
                 emasculations today.

       Wallace flashes Washington a threatening lazy eye, which
       causes Washington to withdraw.  Wallace then slowly turns his
       attention back to Jack.

                 You let girls do all your talking,

                 I speak for myself, but can I help
                 it if the ladies love me?

       The gang moves closer, which threatens Jack.

                 They won't even recognize you after
                 we super chafe your face.

       Jack is obviously scared and begins to cower away.

                 What do you guys want?

                 What do we want?  We want what
                 every blackhead wants.  Equality!

                 Speak it brother!


                 Shout it to the heavens!

                 And everlasting freedom from the
                 hegemony of pimple tyranny.


                 And we weary of the placating
                 pimple man; obfuscating the truth
                 with their diminutive, sallow

       Everyone stops for a beat and looks confused.

                 What are you talking about Wallace?

                 Yeah Wallace, I didn't quite catch
                 that either.

                 You need to restate your point and
                 be more succinct.

       Wallace fumes over his communication problems.

                 Be more succinct? Damn Washington,
                 you need everything spelled out.

       The Blackhead gang fights amongst themselves, while the girls
       help Jack slink away without being noticed.

                                               CUT TO:

 4     EXT. VARIOUS SETTINGS                                    4

       Following is a montage sequence of Jack moving between four
       quick settings. First setting is similar to the previous
       scene.  The sky is hazy and Mt. Nostro is more visible.

                           JACK (V.O.)
                 Those blackheads are the worst. 
                 Scrapping with dirtballs can really
                 make a zit appreciate the simple
                 things; hazy skies, Mt. Nostro...

                                               CUT TO:

4A     EXT. LIP RAVINE                                         4A

       Jack is moving along the upper lip, which looks like a red
       wall protecting pedestrians from the gaping maw that is
       Raul's mouth.  The mouth is dark and undefined.

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 ...And girls.  They really helped
                 me out back there, especially
                 Mabel.  She's so nice.  Too bad
                 she's such a fat slut.

                                               CUT TO:

4B     EXT. HAIR FOREST                                        4B

       Jack is scooting through a forest of thick hair strands, some
       of which shoot chaotically from the skin.  A fog rolls
       through the forest and swishes behind Jack as he moves.

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 Speaking of fat sluts, I really
                 shouldn't call Mom that anymore. 
                 It's okay when Pop does it, but not

                                               CUT TO:

4C     EXT. ZIT NEIGHBORHOOD                                   4C

       Jack is walking on a street lined with zit houses. There is
       some bustling suburban activity here and there.

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 And things are going to be better
                 between Owen and me.  I just might
                 have to try... a little harder.

       Above shot of Jack walking down the street.

                                               CUT TO:

 5     INT. ZITT FAMILY AREA                                    5

       Pop and Mom are spending a typical evening together.  In the
       distant background, the freeze gun can barely be seen dipping
       up and down on the skin horizon.

                 It's late and Jack is still out. 
                 I'm getting worried.

                 You should be getting dinner ready. 
                 Where's my pimple pot pie?

       The gun moves closer behind them, but still goes unnoticed.

                 We need to wait for Jack.

                 After that outburst today, he can
                 go live with his crazy furuncle
                 Chad for all I care.

       The gun continues to move closer.

                 Oh honey, don't be so callous. 
                 Jack is at a tender age right now
                 and can scar easily.

                 Woman, he's almost fully grown. 
                 Now quit treating him like a welt
                 and bring me my pie!

       Mom ignores Pop's demand as the gun moves even closer still.

                 I can't help it. He'll always be
                 ingrown to me.  
                     (Shivers audibly)
                 Is it getting nippy?

                 No! And don't touch that dermostat.
                 You always keep it too damn hot.

       The gun is pretty close now as Mom continues to shiver.

                 Seriously honey, it's freezing in
                 here.  We're not cold sores, you

       Just then, Pop is nudged by a goosebump.  The camera zooms
       out to reveal dozens of bumps erupting all around them.

                 Goosebumps!  Something is terribly

                 Pop Zitt, look out!

       Pop turns around just in time to face the approaching gun. 
       He strikes a defiant pose before the gun descends upon him.

                 I never got my pie!

       Pop's P.O.V. shows the barrel of the gun coming down on him. 
       Behind the gun is Dr. Honeyrose's big, bulging eye.  Mom
       begins to scream off screen.  

                                               CUT TO:

5A     INT. OWEN'S AREA                                        5A

       Owen is alone, enjoying the recently taped up Play-Boil.
       Mom's voice over scream continues as Owen's expression
       quickly turns to extreme worry.


       Owen frantically runs (running for zits means the character
       tilts forward surrounded by anime motion lines) to his
       mother's aid.  He arrives, magazine in hand, just in time to
       witness Mom sobbing and caressing Pop, who is frozen solid.

                           OWEN (CONT'D)
                 No, Pop!

       In slow motion, the gun moves back up as Mom turns around and
       waves her arms at Owen.

                     (Slow motion)
                 Run Owen!  Run!

       Still in slow motion, Mom looks up just as a big zit gun
       comes down from the sky and freezes her in a dramatic pose.
       Owen screams traumatically, snapping the scene out of slow
       motion and back to real-time. He runs to the front door. 

                                               CUT TO:

5B     EXT. OUTSIDE THE ZITT FAMILY HOME                       5B

       Jack returns from his walk and approaches the front door.

                 Ah, home at last.

       Before Jack can open the door, it flies open and Owen bursts
       through.  He is still screaming with wild abandon when he
       recklessly bumps into Jack and drops the magazine.  Without
       looking back, Owen continues to scoot and scream his way off
       screen.  Jack picks up the magazine and looks mildly annoyed.

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 Hey, what's going on?  Owen, it's
                 okay.  We can look at it together
                 if you want.

       Jack shrugs and moves through the doorway.

                                               CUT TO:

5C     INT. ZITT FAMILY AREA                                   5C

       Jack enters and sees his smoldering, frozen parents.  Solemn
       music plays over a slow pan to Jack's shocked face.  He
       whimpers and slowly approaches his parents.  There's a brief
       pause as he stares at the figures before erupting into a gut
       wrenching fit and embracing them both.  Unable to withstand
       the hug's pressure, the frozen zits collapse on themselves,
       shattering into several big, sharp pieces.  Jack picks up a
       shard of his mother's frozen face and kisses it gently.

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 Oh, forgive me mother...

       Jack clutches his Mom's facial shard and looks up as he
       quotes Henry V.

                           JACK (CONT'D)
                 The devil take order now.  I'll to
                 the throng.  Let life be short,
                 else shame will be too long.

       Off Jack's sobbing expression, we...

                                               IRIS OUT.

                           THE END
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